I Can't Put Daisy Down

First off, this blog is different today, as I need YOUR help with a real life dilemma I face daily. After you read this blog, will you take a minute to comment some feedback/advice to me.
Once you read the story, you'll know what I need to decide.
Then, I am putting up a story I wrote last year about my Daisy, you might enjoy reading.


My Daisy.....
Daisy is my 18 year old Long Haired Chihuahua. I rescued her from an abusive home,and have had her for 6 years.
Well, Daisy is completely blind now, and deaf. Her eyes are going shut, and everyday when I get home from work, I take her into the bathroom, and wash out her little sunken eyes.
Then I wrap her up in a towel, and hold her close, until she starts snoring.
I turn on her little hot pad in her bed, and put her to bed.
My dilemma is that she suffers with this eye situation, it is a little painful when I wash the dried up eye goo off of her eyes. I do it twice a day.
I feel like she should be 'put down', but I don't believe it is up to me to make that choice. I'm of a Christian faith, and I believe that God will take her when He decides it is her time to go.
If she were suffering tremendously, I'd probably make that decision myself. But her eye washing is a 10 minute discomfort for her.
Knowing how she suffered abuse for years, I'm feeling guilty that she has to deal with ANY pain for her final days with me.
What do I do?? What would you do?? Does anyone have a similar story to tell me, so I can try to figure this all out?
I worry that 'IF' I made a choice to put her to sleep, then would God consider that a sin, and I'd be held accountable on my 'judgement day' before HIM.
I appreciate anyones input on this. I wrestle with what to do every day.
This is completely serious. Thanks for any viewpoints I receive.
Marti
My Mom, and Daisy, My Little Dog written in 2007ve been wanting to write this story,but trying to figure out how to put it all together, to hold the interest of a reader.Also, how to intermingle it properly.

My Mom,her name was Lois, was a hard, unemotional woman raised by an abusive mother. My grandma. I Never met her. Mom never knew her father.
Mom never let her guard down, and it was such rare occasions that I saw her weep, I remember them so very well.
She cried when my sister passed away, in 2001.
Then I didn't see her cry again, until the day she played Clays' version of 'Solitaire' in her CD player, my brother had bought her.
She didn't like us to see that side of her, so for years, and years, we didn't.
By the time I saw her cry,it was in her room. I walked in, and the song was playing.
I wouldn't have known she was crying, if I hadn't looked over at her.
By this time, in moms life, I was taking care of her, her medical condition was pretty deteriorating. Even so, she was more stubborn than a mule when it came to showing emotions.
When mom saw, that I had seen her, she took on the 'harder side' of her personality again.
She stayed that way pretty much, until the last time she went into the hospital May 31,2006.
On her deathbed, is the first time that I saw my mom, 'vulnerable'.
It was the only time she said, "I Love You So Much", and I felt it, felt that she meant it.
The only time I feel, that she 'felt it.'
2 days before death, and I finally heard it, felt it.
2 days before her death, and she got to feel it, and hear it from me, and she felt it in her heart.
I have a 17 year old Chihuahua dog, that I got 5 years ago, from an abusive situation. Daisy, from Day 1, has been skittish, mistrusting,can't stand, or sit still, when I hold her.
No matter how much love and affection I could give her, she stayed the same. Always nervous, always backing up when I tried to pick her up.
Stepping backward, so I couldn't grip her, to lift her.
All these years, and I couldn't change her. I couldn't help her get better. To not be afraid that I was going to hurt her.
Well, this last year, Daisy and I, have both gone through some changes.
In the last 9 months of me going through having Cancer, and the treatments, my Daisy has been going through the process of becoming completely blind now with age, and deaf also.
I know that she is in her 'downward' turn.
We have pretty much turned to each other during these last 9 months.
Daisy no longer kicks, and rustles around in my arms. She completely trusts me now.
Daisy relies on me to pick her up, set her down at her bowl of water, or her bowl of food.
Now, when she is picked up, she sniffs me, and goes limp in my arms. Sometimes, she licks my hand. :-)
She is so lost without my help, she just stands still, for fear of bumping into walls, corners, furniture,etc...
My point to this true story is figuring out just what it took, for the 'changes' to happen.
Look at the gains made, yet look at the losses.
Why did mom, and Daisys' life have to have been so bad, that it took a massive change, for them to 'feel it'?
Every time I pick up Daisy now, I think of Mom. Seeing how Daisy is now 100% dependant on me for her life, has helped me to comprehend my moms life.
I hope to give Daisy all the love I can, to make her last days on earth easier for her, just like I tried to do with Mom.
I will miss them both............... alot!