Ask those questions, will you Please??

{This 'IS ' a Clay Aiken oriented blog, but today I am hijacking my own blog.} PART 1.
I was watching this commercial the other day that sells you software that will type as you talk, and I thought 'COOL'. I am always trying to figure out how to start a sentence, or how to end it, and what all goes in between.
They said you are able to just speak your mind as you think it, and the software will display it.
I learned something just then. That's what I need to do, just say what is popping into my mind instead of worrying about how it is supposed to be written.
So, I usually have this blog for Clay Aiken stuff, but I'm going to venture off the beaten path and talk a little about the path that seems to have beaten me at times.
I'm battling my biggest one with trying to keep my Ovarian Cancer at bay. Diagnosed in 2007, I've been the route of chemotherapy 4 times since diagnosed.
I learned that the least I knew, the more I lost.
CA-125 numbers are the most important telltale signs that something is happening inside your abdomen, if the numbers rise above 30 and continue on. That means your Cancer cells are multiplying and multiplying.
I never asked many questions out of fear, or ignorance. Or trust in that I'm getting all the info I needed. I let the doctors do their thing.
I learned that each time I thought the Cancer had returned was in association with those CA-125 numbers rising.
So, I'd start the chemotherapy and tell everyone I had moved out of remission, and on into recurrence.
That's what I knew, out of a lack of educating myself of my own terminal disease. 2 of my doctors told me I will die from this disease. For the last 4 years I've walked that path of WHEN, and I'll never see my children again, and I'm not afraid to die Lord, but I'm just not ready.
Needless to say, stress levels are bouncing everywhere at all times. Stress is the worst thing for Cancer survivors, and knowing THAT, added more stress. I couldn't stop the stress, and that was pretty much my life.
I started asking questions, started going online, reading, and reading more.
I learned from my doctor that the Cancer has NEVER returned since I had an operation to remove it all.
I learned that the choice to put me on chemo each time was strictly from the rising CA-125. There were days I did like that lady on the Cancer Centers of America commercial, ' I just laid there, waiting to die'. For months.
Keeping up appearences to my friends, I acted positive at all times, and put up a real good face.
Inside completely devastated. It is the silent killer, and you spend a lot of time in silence with it. Most loved ones can't bring themselves to talk to you about it, and all you want to do is talk to someone who loves you, about it.
My point is that if I had been more educated on this type of Cancer, I wouldn't have thought I was going to die each time they put me back on chemotherapy. I'd have known that they were only killing Cancer cells. Not Cancer itself. Nobody told me that. I didn't ask. I didn't know to ask.
So, if you are dealing with this horrendous disease, educate yourself. Find out about remission, and recurrence. I thought I had gotten Cancer back 4 times.
I didn't get it back ONCE.
Don't get me wrong, I'll still die from this, but not yet. I'll still be going on more and more chemo until it just ceases to work any more. I'm hoping that someone else who is going through it, will read this and know to ask questions. Lots and lots of questions.
hugs to the survivors and my condolences to those who have lost a loved one to Cancer.
"Knowledge is Power"